To learn to remember.

I've found myself taking a step back and asking myself how I got here a lot often. I'm getting to the point in my life where there are enough years behind me to get lost and distracted in regrets. I find myself swirling in discontent. I sit and let the waves of what could have been crash over me until I'm nearly drowning. Once I get to that place I find it very difficult to drag myself from seashore to go on living my life.

It's so easy to sit here and imagine what amazingness would have befallen my life if I had known I'd still be single and had gone to medical school. I wonder what my life would look like it I had gone to the University of Georgia instead of George Washington. What if...

But as I was lecturing my sister today about trusting that God's grace is sufficient for what she has been given today. Reminding her that she doesn't need to regret yesterday or fear tomorrow because the only two days that actually matter on the calendar are today and that day. I, just a few hours later, find myself needing the same lecture.

I find my faith weak. I find it quite difficult to praise God that "The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance." Because the boundary lines of my life right now actually feel quite difficult. I'm finding myself taken by surprise when there is much toil in my work. I'm finding my mind and body wearier and wearier as the days of the year toil on.

But as I read the rest of Psalm 16, I find my God kind in his comfort. David's words are not being sung out of confidence in his circumstances. David's words are being sung out of confidence in his God. "Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure."

I can look back and see that my level of discontent seems to rise inversely as my time in meditating on the word and the gospel ebbs. I see the way out of this seemingly hopeless swirl of discontent in my circumstances. My God has placed me precisely where he wants me. He knew exactly how difficult it would be, and he calls me to depend more and more on him as my circumstances seem to get more and more difficult.

My anger at the toil in my work is rooted in laziness and a lack of self-control. Sins I should be actively fighting and praying for deliverance from. Instead I feed them with excuses, excess, and limitless procrastination.

So how should I remember? Why is it so easy to remember the parts of my life that are hard and still raw wounds, but God's faithfulness in answering prayers and providentially leading me to places I never would have chosen but have been great places for me. When I think about the past, I think abou

Psalm 16

"A miktam^a of David.

1Keep me safe, my God,

for in you I take refuge.

2I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;

apart from you I have no good thing.”

3I say of the holy people who are in the land,

“They are the noble ones in whom is all my delight.”

4Those who run after other gods will suffer more and more.

I will not pour out libations of blood to such gods

or take up their names on my lips.

5Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;

you make my lot secure.

6The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;

surely I have a delightful inheritance.

7I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;

even at night my heart instructs me.

8I keep my eyes always on the Lord.

With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.

9Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;

my body also will rest secure,

10because you will not abandon me to the realm of the dead,

nor will you let your faithful^b one see decay.

11You make known to me the path of life;

you will fill me with joy in your presence,

with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

So I take a moment to remember God's faithfulness. God answering prayers. And ultimately, God's supreme kindness at the cross.